thicker than water

My grandma wants to have a Spam party.

Exactly what it sounds like.

She's turning 70 this November, and when I asked her plans last night on our weekly phone call, she said she wants a big party....a Spam party. At this point I'm driving home, so I'm reasonably sure I haven't been drinking and therefore heard correctly, but clearly baffled all the same I asked for an explanation.

"Well I've always loved Spam. You fry it up with mac and cheese and it's just delicious. Plus it's a running joke from when we went to Hawaii in 1978 with.....(I blacked out here).....and you know they just love it on the islands. Plus I keep all the old Spam cans I use, so we can put flower arrangements in them. And I want everyone to either bring a Spam dish or at least a recipe idea I can make later. And I want a t-shirt to wear. Do you think they sell those?"

Yes Grandma. They sell those.

At this point the fact I'm surprised is ludicrous. My family tree, particularly Dad's side, grows someplace where hallucinogenic mushrooms mingle with runoff from the anti-depressant factory. We are not, and have never claimed to be, a normal people.

Speaking of, and this is where I'm really descending into hell, I get a Facebook friend-request yesterday from someone I've never heard of, and our only mutual friend is my aunt. So I shoot my aunt an email, inquiring as to the status of this stranger. Turns out she's my second cousin twice removed, from that part of the family, the part that warrants italics. I've heard about them. But pictures are worth a thousand words, so I took the liberty of saving some choice gems from her page so you can understand that my white trash tendencies are more nature than nurture.

I need to reiterate. Actual. Family. Members. Distant, but still inescapable. And now I will let the reality of it all do the talking, because nothing I can caption will do these justice. And I did try to maintain a modicum of respect, why at this point I'm not sure, so I blurred faces on two....but that last one I had to leave. I don't care if it causes a family meltdown. It's worth it.

I'm a horrible person. But I mean COME ON. You can't serve up treats like that and not expect me to dig in.

Happy Hump Day -



  1. I feel like I've seen you sitting in a child's pool wearing jeans and drinking beer. I see the family resemblance.

  2. I'm not even sure I can handle this...

  3. Oh wow! But I better invited to this spam party -- sounds like a damn HOOT. I have some recipes too I could bring grandma :)