this is not a test

Well shit, forget stop, drop, and roll...it's go time, bitches.

"drop" looks suspiciously like "power bottom," no?

What was previously on the horizon has set up shop in the here and now. My common-law partner in crime is movin' on up, literally and figuratively. The land of liberal living has called his name, and when the Bay Area rings, you damn sure pick up. In three short weeks he'll be busy taking the next step, which means it's time to circle the wagons and call together the great minds of our time. I need wisdom. I need guidance.

I need a fucking plan.

I do not plan. I make short term arrangements, occasionally even booking trips a few months in advance, but I'm much too laissez-faire in my views of the universe to really think that my arbitrary timelines make a damn bit of difference in the big picture. I haven't an inkling where I'll be in ten years, and neither do you. So I generally float on the vibes of nature and heed action cues as they present themselves.

As for now: message received, Powers That Be. Subtle as a studded dildo.

Now is my moment to practice what I preach. I have to let go, give myself up to the moment and know that the beauty of these situations lies in the unknown. This is not to say I didn't allow myself a minor breakdown. Yesterday around 4:30pm, I quietly stepped away from my desk out into the rain, where I promptly dissolved into a rousing chorus of alternating sobs and "fuckfuckfuckwhatdoIdonowfuckfuckfuck."

The poor UPS man stumbled upon me and probably thought he'd unearthed a puffy-eyed storm monster with a wicked case of Tourette's.

After I'd emptied myself of the initial panic, I came back to the realization that this is it. All the repeated mantras of faith, the professed need of change, the late night what-if sessions....it's here. It's time. Deep breath, head held high, time to show off what we're been working on.

This is not a test. Proceed quickly but cautiously. There's no need to panic.

Everything will be OK.

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