raindrops on roses

Holy balls....been quite the day, and I haven't even had my snack. I wish they made pudding packs with vitamins, minerals, and a little MDMA. You know, strong teeth and bones, serotonin blasts, everything a kid needs to make it through the day.


I've even used my fuck-you voice today. One upside to being of the rainbow is having a killer snatchy/condescending tone; it comes in the kit we get upon joining the Sequin Squad, along with Madonna's Greatest Hits and a bottle of chardonnay. When used at full force the bitch-tone leaves a burning sensation reminiscent of a wet slap on the ass. But fun as it is to employ on occasion, I hate the tone because it means I'm worked up. Tension is not my jam. As such, I thought I'd take this opportunity to list some of my favorite things. Elementary, yes. But until I get the aforementioned pudding, this will have to do.


meat and cheeses platters

parallel parking on the first try

Maker's on the rocks

any opportunity to use the words "fancy" or "biscuit"

off-color jokes

flying first class

sex that still has that new-car smell

romping outdoors

day drunk

castor canadensis

the smell of sunscreen

walk-offs on the dance floor

fire pits

three day weekends


Ahhhhhh....I feel better already. Mostly because when reviewing the list, I realized how often I get to enjoy these things. And I no longer wish to commit physical harm to all of the muscled out mouth breathers that complicate my day. Everybody wins!

Happy Thursday amigos. Even if it's something lame like whiskers on kittens...always remember what gets you through the day.