It's weird, when real shit hits the fan, big shit, important shit....I tend to exit stage left. Not in a bad way. I just don't write about it at length, and talk about it less than the unimportant nonsense that tends to rule daily conversations. Like watching my first episode of RuPaul's Drag Race last night. Holy hell. Wigged, duct-taped messes lip-syncing to beat the band. New favorite show. But that's neither here nor there.
I've noticed a trend with big decisions in my life. They just seem to...happen. Little fanfare. Little commotion. I didn't have a crazy experience picking a college. I hardly did any research, applied at two schools, and went to my second choice because I got more money. And looking back I wouldn't have changed my experience for the world.
When in school, I fell into a major, never did an internship, and found a job one week before graduation. Held it for six months to stay afloat, then in one week's time quit, moved, and started a new job in a new city with no idea what I was doing. And it's been an incredible two years of growth and realization.
Now I'm faced with a departing roommate, a stale job, and a restlessness that's been slowly growing for quite some time. I don't have a plan, and given history I'm becoming comfortable with that reality. Kelly sent me the following today (from here), and it now my mantra for the foreseeable future:
Stop listening to everybody around you.
Stop following aimlessly.
Stop making excuses.
Start going after what you want.
Don’t apologize for those decisions.
Some decisions you make will be wrong.
You will fail.
Some decisions you make will be spot on.
You will succeed.
Some decisions you make will just be.
That’s OK too.
You know what you want. Your friends and family know what they want for you.
There is a monumental difference between the two.
It’s the difference between being happy and just being.
You can’t please everybody.
Most people won’t agree with you.
Agreement is safe.
Acceptance is safe.
Doing what you’ve been doing is safe.
Short and sweet. I'm going to Vegas in two days, and I'm going to leave life behind. I'm going to drink whiskey excessively in public and play $3 blackjack on tables with burn holes in the felt. I'm going to toast some friends hello as they've just recently returned, and toast others goodbye as they prepare to depart. If I find a zen moment amongst the neon, I'll be thinking about that monumental difference mentioned above.
Then I'm going to come back and start seeking some danger.