things my friends say, vol. 11

Today's nugget, courtesy of:

"SPEAKING of the dark continent...."

Oh, and don't think before that we were talking about Africa. No, no....we were talking about the black man sitting next to us.

This took me back to my grandma telling the story of when her sister dropped her (n-word only rappers can say) baby doll down the one-holer back on the farm. True story. Ask Grandma. She'll tell you without batting an eye.

And if your family isn't from the Midwest, a one-holer is an outhouse.

See, you learned something today. Never say I don't enrich your life. Knowledge is power!

-J

things my friends say, vol. 10

Today's nugget comes to us all the way from Thailand, compliments of:




"Last week I saw a ladyboy get baptized in the ocean by a guy wearing a hemp tunic with a bigggg marijuana leaf on the front. Reminded me of you."

This leaves me equally amused and mortified. I'm tempted to ask which part in particular conjured up thoughts of me, but I'm scared of the answer.


Happy Tuesday, cheeky monkeys. If you're in LA, run between the raindrops.


-JH

things my friends say, vol. 9

Today's nugget, compliments of:




"Sooooo I seriously believe the cleaning lady at my office stole my banana. And I'm so broke....that this....is an issue."



When I lived in Koreatown I once had a minor breakdown because I dropped a bottle of spaghetti sauce, and knowing I couldn't afford another one, it was plain pasta for dinner.

And these are the best years of our lives. Right?

things my friends say, vol. 8

Today's nugget, compliments of:



"I met my soul mate....he is a certified Grade-A dreamboat and I want to civil union the shit out of him right now."


Yup. Civil union as a verb. I'm fine with it.


-J

things my friends say, vol. 7

Today's nugget compliments of:

"I had the bacon ice cream last time. You would hate it. I want to fuck it."

I have no doubt that this statement is entirely factual.

things my friends say, vol. 6

Tonight's nugget, compliments of:

"Imbalanced is the new stable"

Ain't that the truth. It's also the reason I'm lacking on the blog front. I had every intention of posting something to brighten your evening, but since I've been home I've cleaned out my closet, eaten half the fridge, and inexplicably teared up during TV commercials. If someone wants to call the Guinness Book, I'm pretty sure in the past twelve hours I've grown a uterus.


Keep it crazy, friends. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be sailing on the sea of sanity.

-JH

things my friends say, vol. 5

Today's nugget is compliments of:



"I think 1:11pm is an entirely appropriate time for a booty text. Might as well put it out there before anyone's night gets busy."



A good friend will, without hesitation, always rationalize your shameless afternoon attempt at ending a dry spell. Fact.

this is not out of the ordinary

I met up with AK, my beloved roommate and all around partner in crime, for lunch near his work today. And as we're quietly beasting down our Chipotle, this mini-conversation happened...not sure if any exchange could better illustrate our dynamic.

(sitting at a table, not talking but watching people walk by)



"Got a would-you-rather."





"Hit me."





"Would you rather be fat, bald, or Asian?"



(slight pause)



"Well.....what kind of Asian?"




(another slight pause)


"Let's say Korean."



(much longer pause)



".................Bald."






These are the moments you have when you're practically common-law married.

Happy weekend to all, be you fat, bald, Asian or otherwise.

-J

things my friends say, vol. 3

Today's nugget, courtesy of:





"Unfortunately, not-sober-at-work is something you can't fix. Sometimes I hope for an earthquake...people tend to let you leave then."


I could use an earthquake about now. Or Gatorade and some french fries. Let's be honest, I'm in no position to be picky.


Send sober thoughts and have a good weekend, my lovelies -


- J

things my friends say, vol. 2

Today's nugget is compliments of:




"You don't deserve anything just because you showed up."



Respectively lifted from his blog, but it was just too perfect not to include given this week's running theme. Speaking of, I did Day One of my 30 Day Shred....I sweat so hard on the carpet we may have to forfeit our security deposit. AK had to pour me water afterward because I couldn't lift the Brita pitcher. Full range of motion is gone for the time being, but hot damn I'm gonna be fit as a fiddle!

Lastly, on occasion I like to post visually pleasing things, because after all this whole masturbatory medium is really about exercising my right to create my own fun bubble. Allow me to introduce Mark Salling, my new favorite person from my new favorite show.


....and now I'm off for a cold shower.
Stay funky my friends.

-J

things my friends say, vol. 1

A new feature here on C&K; somewhat-occasional-as-the-mood-strikes-me posts attributed to the wit and wisdom of my friends. By and large they're not scholars, but let's be honest you probably aren't either. There is no grand qualification process, but if I hear it and it sticks it'll be passed on to you, my cheeky monkeys.

Today's nugget is courtesy of:


"Never settle. You need to grab life by the haunches and hump it into submission."