They were part of my sloshball uniform. I was a proud member of team One Night Stand, not to be confused with the competition, team Hair Bands. Sloshball is kickball, like in grade school, but with a keg at second base, not like grade school. At least not my grade school. We only made it six innings before what little decorum we initially displayed washed away. I peed in public. More than once. We stood united somewhere near the imaginary pitcher's mound in the pouring rain and belted out the Star Spangled Banner, because the universe and Coors Light compelled us to do so. I did my first keg stand and mud wrestled people I just met. It rained more, people puked in the outfield, and once the keg was empty we went all walked home for pizza and naps.
"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever, be boring."
My life may be a lot of things, but thankfully it's not boring.
Oh, and remember how it's March? Yeah, that happened.