survey says

OK, fine. I belong to a dating site. I don't pay for it, and I'm rarely on it after three lackluster blind dates. But seeing as how I'm currently in the sauce and most definitely ovulating, I took a damned "what kind of person are you" survey. And as much as I want to mock this, holy balls. Talk about on the money:

Lusty but indirect. Kind, but also using friendship as a means to sex. Oh, that feels gooood. You are The Backrubber.

We call you “The Backrubber” because you straddle that fine line between coming on to someone and just treating him nicely. Backrubs are just one example; you’d meet for coffee, or talk about books/movies, or even argue a little bit, all the while mostly preferring to screw.

Your indirect approach is not some evil trickery, but rather a result of your open mind. You’d enjoy either love or sex, but the latter definitely doesn’t require the former. While you are responsible and ambitious, you absolutely DON’T have uptight views on relationships. So ultimately, you just enjoy a man, and let things take their course. If he wants you, great. If not, that’s fine too.

Though you’re not thinking too much about Love at this point in your life, odds are, when the time comes, you’ll be very happy settling down. Your ideal mate is gentle and horny, just like you.

So screw me. Or don't. I'm fine either way.

-J

puppy love

I've found the love of my life, and his name is Mr. Bojangles :



I had to do the awkward two-handed grip because at twelve weeks he's already a beast. But I do love me a fatty. WANT WANT WANT.

days like today, in fact

Seriously though. I don't don the tiara for just anyone.

And this concludes today's rant.

hallmark my words

I bought this greeting card today:


If you had ketchup packets in your glove box I'd have french fries on my floorboard. If you had an "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt, I'd have a pro wrestling hat. If you shouted "Yahtzee" at climax, I'd shout "Bingo." If you produced a television show called "America's Funniest Animal Attacks," I'd suddenly get mauled by a panda. What I'm trying to get at here is that somehow, someway, you and I just seem to be made for each other.


I'm going to tuck it away for now, but I think it was a solid purchase. Hopefully one day the Yahtzee to my Bingo finds it as poignant as I do.

the question no one likes to ask

Actually, the question isn't the problem. It's the answer that we seem to fear most.

a break in the clouds

Today. Outlook calendars and room reservations and cancellations, and cancellations, and cancellations, an entire company simultaneously shitting its pants.





I am a balloon days after the party.





However, you're never given more than you can handle (no, honestly) and now life is coming down off its eight-hour high. Several deep breaths and muttered threats later, I came across this:







And while I can't shed clothing just yet, I took the message to heart. Back to work, smile in place.


Get naked and do your thing -

J

the city of angels

Oh LA....you're a filthy bitch and I love you in the kind of ways that require a safeword.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

Peace and love and sand and Del Taco,

J